The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
by thescarybear
Summary: This is my first Skins fic, and I wanted to do something with my favorite character from each generation, and a ship that I've never seen before. So behold, Cassie/Emily, and how they come together while dealing with the death of a friend, and lost love.
1. At The Bottom

**Disclaimer: I don't own Skins or any of it's characters, as much as I wish I did. Enjoy!**

Cassie stared blankly out the window of the cheese-scented taxicab that she was sitting in, focusing on the tiny water droplets that coated the glass. It was such a strange feeling, having left the color and excitement of New York City, the place she had called home for the past three and a half years, to come back to Bristol, the place she'd spent her whole upbringing wanting to get away from.

Sid rested his hand on hers, and she gave him a small half-smile before pulling it away. The past year had been hard on their relationship; the pair was worn down, stripped of all their passion for each other after two years of Cassie working nights at a sketchy pub and days in a bookshop, while Sid didn't do much of anything. Before, he'd spent time as a pizza delivery boy, a bagger at a grocery, and a cashier at a liquor store; but after getting fired by each and every one of his previous employers, he now spent the great majority of his time on the ratty brown couch in their apartment, watching the television or playing video games with Carlos, the couple's roommate (who was an artist, but worked as a window cleaner). And now, as much as Cassie loved Sid, a small part of her hoped that after the funeral, Sid would decide to stay in England with Tony and the rest of their old friends, and she get on the plane to New York alone, and set off to do what she wanted to do in the first place- to leave the old Cassie behind entirely.

After what seemed like hours of watching blurry grey buildings swim past the window, the taxi stopped at it's destination- the Stonem residence. Cassie was overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia and familiarity, and her big brown eyes lit up for the first time in ages. She stepped out of the cab, and moved around it to stand next to Sid. The pair always looked so odd together, and that hadn't changed. Cassie, with her knee-high lavender stockings, pale yellow sundress, sequined hobo bag, and pale, waif-ish frame looked far too cheery and fairy-like to be standing next to Sid, with his grey hooded sweater and dingy sneakers. Cassie was still thin, but healthier than she looked the last time she had been in Bristol. Her new American lifestyle had put a little weight on her, but her hair was just as wild and blonde and curly as it had always been, and she'd retained her trademark smile. New York had somehow made Sid almost dirtier, but in an older way. His face had a stubble to it now, and his frame was thicker.

Before they could even approach the house, the front door opened, and an older, smiling Tony Stonem was standing in front of them. Cassie flung herself at him, leaving her suitcase on the sidewalk and throwing her arms around him.

"Tony! Wow, it's been so long!" she cried. Tony hugged her back, but quickly turned his attention to his childhood best friend.

"Sid…" he started, as Cassie stepped out of the way. Tony and Sid stared at each other for a moment, before hugging each other tighter than they ever had before.

Inside, they sat around the Stonem kitchen table and Tony poured a glass of apple juice for Cassie (as she requested) and grabbed beers for Sid and himself.

"How's your mum taking it?" Sid asked.

"Hasn't left her bedroom," Tony replied, without making eye contact.

"How are you taking it?" asked Cassie.

Tony didn't answer.

Cassie knew Tony had really loved his sister. "The cleverest person I know," he'd once said about her. Cassie remembered her as a beautiful, petite sixteen year old. Cassie'd seen her almost as a darker version of herself. The same underlying self loathing and destruction was there, they were just different shades of the same screwed up.

The funeral was the next day. Tony had phoned Sid (for the first time in half a year) two days earlier, and he and Cassie scrounged up what little money they had (and Cassie pulled out the only black articles of clothing she owned) for the first flight back to England.

"Dad was the one that called me," said Tony, "and I left University as soon as he did."

"Poor Effy," said Cassie, staring down at her apple juice. There was silence at the mention of the name, and the three old friends couldn't look at each other.

"You two can sleep in the guest room," Tony broke the silence and changed the subject. "Let's go to the pub, yeah?"

That night, Cassie took her pills and settled into the guest bed, where Sid was already waiting. She faced away from him, but it wasn't long before his hands wrapped around her waist and he began kissing her neck. She gently pushed him aside.

"Cass," he protested, "We haven't done it in weeks."

"I know," she replied, still not turning to face him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

She rolled over to look at him. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You want to shag in Tony's house after his sister's just killed herself? Really?"

"I just thought that… you know…"

Cassie sighed, and kissed his forehead. "I love you Sid. I do."

Cassie rolled back over to face the wall. She knew that Effy's room was on the other side of it. Just through a few layers of paint, drywall, and wood was the room where the dead girl used to sleep, used to fuck, used to begin and end each day. Existence was so fragile, and Cassie felt it.

Cassie wondered what had happened to herself. She used to see such beauty in the world, no matter how fucked up she was on the inside. No matter how much people hurt her, no matter how many times her heart was broken, through suicide attempts and through starving herself, she knew that there was something beyond it all. And ultimately, that's why she made it. Because she saw that life could be worth living. People could be worth loving. But now, she wasn't so sure. Her life had turned dull and repetitive, and everything was the color of Sid's dirty sneakers.

Tony hadn't told her much, but she knew Effy's suicide had to do with her boyfriend's death a year earlier. Apparently the boy, Freddie, had been murdered. And somehow Effy blamed herself. Cassie knew what that was like. Blaming yourself for things outside of your control. She did it all the time. But it unraveled Effy, made her go completely mad

Cassie closed her eyes tight, and fell asleep shortly after, to dreams of Effy, her blue eyes and mysterious smile, inviting her into the great unknown.


	2. Misfits

**A/N: Thanks for all the feedback guys, it means a lot. Hopefully I will be able to continue putting up chapters daily!**

Emily plopped down upon the park bench and folded her arms. Of course, she'd known she'd see Naomi at the funeral, but she thought she could handle it. She didn't think it would hit her this hard. She felt selfish for it, too, because the whole affair was meant to honor Effy's memory, and it was stupid of Emily to spend the whole service annoyed at the fact that the blonde standing just a few people away from her didn't even glance in her direction. Emily kicked off her modest black flats and wiggled her toes. _Slut._

But Emily's bitter train of thought was broken by a light tap on her left shoulder. She whipped her head around to see a tall, willowy, but beautiful young blonde towering behind her.

"Hello," said the girl, in a dazed, almost musical voice, "weren't you just at the funeral?"

"Hmm?" Emily answered, "Oh, yes." She motioned for the girl to sit down, and before she knew it, the stranger was cross legged next to her, one of her knobby knees almost in Emily's lap.

"You knew her well?" the girl asked.

"I suppose," Emily answered, eyeing her. She was tall and thin and blonde and beautiful, like Naomi, but different. Her hair was wild and curly and unkempt (as opposed to Naomi's polished bob), her skirt and top were black but she wore sparkly pink heels (something Naomi would scoff at), and she had a charming overbite. "You?"

"No, but we used to get totally fucked together, and her brother Tony and I used to be way close" Cassie's voice was enthusiastic and her eyes were wide. "I'm Cassie!" she chirped, extending her hand.

"Emily," the redhead returned with a small smile. She had a hard time taking all of Cassie in, there was something magical about her. It could've been the way her untamed hair blew lightly in the wind, or that perfectly imperfect mouth. Or it could've been that Emily had never seen someone be so cheerful after a funeral. Whatever it was, Emily was having a really hard time absorbing it.

"Poor Effy… I know Tony misses her terribly," Cassie said, "I can only imagine how… as her friend… it must be terrible." Emily nodded.

"It's been rough." Emily wasn't lying, the loss of both Effy and Freddie had torn the entire gang apart. Nothing was the same. Poor Cook had it the hardest, losing both his best friend and the girl he loved. One right after the other. Gone.

"Shit happens. Why did she lose it?"

"What?"

"You know. What made her take the swan dive?"

"Oh. Well… Some psycho killed her boyfriend. Our friend. And after that, Eff just went a little… off kilter," Emily answered, holding back the dry lump in her throat. "And I guess she blamed herself. Because it was her doctor that did it. It destroyed her."

Cassie smiled a weary and sad smile. "Ain't love grand?"

"You have no idea," Emily smiled back.

"I fell in love with a boy once. He made me try to kill myself. And now we live a depressing life together. Together forever. Wow. But I love him so I can't… But I hate him at the same time."

Emily was slightly bewildered, she had only just met this girl, and now it seemed she was pouring her heart out. But all Emily could do was nod and say, "Strangely enough, I know exactly what you mean." Because she did. She knew exactly what it was like to love someone who only caused you pain. Emily didn't know who this Cassie was, but she got the sudden and strong feeling that she was someone who would understand, someone who could help, even.

Cassie abruptly stood up, and, without warning, leaned over to plant a kiss on Emily's cheek. "I have to go. It was lovely meeting you!" she chirped, and much to Emily's disappointment, she walked away. Emily could only stare, speechless, slightly smitten, but mostly confused. She wanted to call after her, ask her where she was going, or get up and follow her, but she couldn't. She mentally kicked herself. Emily's brief love affair with the strange blonde girl on the park bench was over.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked the curly haired boy, as she sank into the swing next to him, making the metal frame creak. It was a warm cloudless night, and the air was heavy.

"Fine," replied JJ, tracing a pattern in the sand with the toe of his brown sneaker. His mind was obviously elsewhere, and his thick eyelashes were still wet with tears.

"Liar."

The playground had become their spot. Especially the swing set. All their secrets had been shared on those swings. It was their sanctuary, the place they could come and bare their vulnerable, broken souls to one other. Both of them had been walked-on and used and lied to in their lives, but that was just the glue that held their bond together. Emily made JJ feel a little less alone. JJ made Emily feel like she was worth something.

"You're right. It's not fine. It's just me now," JJ went on, "Freddie gone. Effy gone. And now all it is is Cook, but he has nothing to stick around for now. I'm nothing. He doesn't need me. No one needs me."

"Stop that," said Emily, "You're not nothing. And I need you. You're my best friend." She grabbed his arm and jerked it, forcing him to look at her.

"You don't need me."

"Yes, I do, you idiot. Us misfits have to stick together."

JJ smiled. But that smile quickly faded away.

"I miss them, Em."

Emily grabbed his hand, and wondered when their world had become such a dark place.


	3. Owner of a Lonely Heart

Things had certainly changed.

The time Naomi and Emily had spent in Goa had been pure, unadulterated bliss. Even with Freddie's death, it was everything they'd hoped for and planned, and it reassured Emily that she and Naomi would, in fact, be together forever. Emily was certain she'd wake up next to Naomi every morning until she was 100. She just knew. They were unbreakable.

But the minute they stepped off the plane, their perfect world began to crumble.

Something changed. Headstrong Naomi grew weary, and her willpower and restraint weakened. There were moments when it seemed Naomi couldn't even look at Emily without getting angry at her. She stopped returning calls and texts. Romantic evenings turned into screaming matches. Naomi became secretive. And Emily broke a little bit inside each day. She was constantly on edge, but she continued to cling to Naomi out of a potent mixture of unconditional love and fear.

Emily couldn't shake the memory of the day it all came crashing down. Without even trying, she could still feel the lurch she felt in her stomach when she'd opened the front door to their apartment that day, and saw Naomi there, naked from the waist up with some tall skinny brunette. Naomi's apathetic voice still echoed in her ears. Her hands still shook like they had as she gathered all of her things, shoving them into a suitcase. _None of it's worth shit without her, _she remembered thinking. Their breakup zapped the life out of Emily. She became the Emily she'd been while in Katie's shadow all over again, timid and quiet. The only thing colorful about her life now was her hair.

This was all Emily could think about each night as she lay in bed. This was the way it'd been, every night since she'd left.

But tonight, her usual painful mental replay of her and Naomi's time together was interrupted by thoughts of the unusual and striking girl she'd met at the park today. _Cassie_. Her cheek still burned where Cassie's beautiful mouth had kissed it. Emily wasn't sure why she was so fascinated with this completely random, probably insane (and straight) stranger she'd only known for fifteen minutes, after a funeral no less.

That night, Emily dozed off to dreams that, for the first time in months, featured blonde hair that didn't belong to Naomi.

* * *

That first evening after the funeral, Cassie walked to her parent's house. She wasn't sure what for, but it didn't matter because no one was home anyways.

The following day was a complete blur. She half-slept in Tony's guest room the whole time, wrapped up in the heavy grey down comforter, and Sid and Tony never bothered her. And as far as Cassie was concerned, this was the nicest thing they'd ever done for her. Being shut down and escaping the world was Cassie's favorite. Reality was cruel and dark. Inside Cassie's head, she'd created a world where Effy was alive, and together they were living in some exciting big city and surrounding themselves with complete strangers and no one could ever hurt them, not even themselves. Cassie could keep Effy safe.

_If only I'd had the chance to protect her before it was too late._

But most importantly, in Cassie's world, there was no Sid. He'd never existed, never come into her life to cause her harm. In reality, Sid held her down like an anchor, and she was having trouble keeping her head up.

The next morning, Cassie very vaguely remembered SId coming into bed with her, rubbing her back, kissing her neck the night before. Cassie couldn't decide whether or not they'd had sex, because she had been so wrapped up in her little world. Everything was fuzzy.

Cassie rolled out of bed, slipped on a pair of silk pink pajama shorts, threw a blanket over a Sid's naked body, and tiptoed down the Stonem's stairs.

"Good morning Cass," Tony greeted her as she stepped into the kitchen. "I'm glad you're walking amongst the living again." He was sitting at the table, sipping a glass of orange juice. It appeared he had slept in his clothes from the day before, and his hair was greasy and slick. Cassie loved him like this.

She flashed him her signature grin, and went straight for the cupboard for a bowl of corn flakes. But before she could grab a spoon, someone rang the door bell.

* * *

Emily tried, but she couldn't get Cassie out of her head. The pretty blonde had moved something in her, and all she could think about was seeing her again. Whatever the girl's magic was, Emily wanted another dose.

Her only lead was that Cassie'd mentioned being friends with Effy's brother. Emily thought that maybe if she asked him, he could tell her where to find her. She was uneasy about what exactly she'd do next.

So there she was, at the front door to the Stonem residence, ringing the doorbell. She'd run over what she was going to say a thousand times in her head, and still, she was absolutely petrified for some reason. "_Yes, hello, I'm here to about your friend Cassie. Could you tell me where she lives? Or give me her phone number? Why? Because I'm a creepy, obsessive and pathetic stalker, that's why._" Yeah, that'd go over well.

After the longest minute of her life, a young man who must've been Effy's older brother opened the door. He looked like he'd had a rough night, yet he was still quite alluring in a way that was strongly reminiscent of Effy.

"Can I help you?" He asked, after giving her a once-over.

"Yes, um…" But Emily was interrupted and struck dumb when Cassie herself appeared over Tony's shoulder. _Oh no, _Emily thought, _her and Effy's brother are fucking. As if I had a chance anyways. Stupid. Why am I even here? What am I supposed to say?_

"Oh! Tony! This is my new friend Emily!" Cassie exclaimed, in the same exuberant manner that Emily had witnessed in the park. "Oh, lovely, lovely!" Cassie pushed Tony aside and rushed out to throw her arms around the speechless redhead. "We were just about to have breakfast! Come in!" Cassie grabbed her arm, pulling her into the house. Tony rolled his eyes.

Emily followed them back into the kitchen. She'd only been in Effy's kitchen a couple of times before, but she half expected to see Effy sitting there at the table, waiting for them.

"Do you want anything?" Cassie offered, as Tony finished his orange juice.

"No thank you," Emily answered quietly, taking the seat farthest from Tony. She felt out of place. She had no idea it would go over this way.

"So, Emily, right?" asked Tony.

"Mhm," she replied, not knowing whether or not to mention that she had been friends with his dead sister. She tried not to shake as Cassie took the seat right next to her own.

"I had the strangest dream last night," Cassie started to say, but her facial expression dropped and her spoon fell when a greasy looking boy with glasses entered the room.

"G'morning guys!" the boy said with a yawn.

"It's two o'clock, Sid," Tony said dryly.

"Pleasure to see you too, Tony," Sid said, as he leaned over Cassie's shoulder to kiss her on the cheek.

Cassie stood up without delay, pulled on a yellow sweatshirt, and announced, "Emily and I were just leaving. To go run some errands." Emily's eyes widened as Cassie pulled her out of her chair hurriedly. "See you later!" she called, and before Emily could even say goodbye, she was being yanked through the door.


	4. The Difference in the Shades

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews everyone. Sorry it took me so long to update, I've been rather busy!

"Where are we going?" Emily asked, in a small voice that Cassie found extremely endearing. Cassie flashed her a grin, and replied, "To pick up some groceries!" Cassie locked arms with the petite little redhead, without any regard for the fact that she was still in her pajamas. At that moment, she couldn't have been happier to get out of that kitchen, and Emily seemed to make for great company. Emily looked up at her, confused.

"Why did we rush out like that?"

Cassie's smile fell. She had thought by escaping the kitchen, she'd be escaping the subject altogether, but obviously that wasn't the case. She took a deep breath before explaining.

"Remember that boy I told you about in the park? The suicide-inducing life-sucking wanker?"

Emily nodded hesitantly.

"That would be him. Not Tony, of course, but the greasy little twat that came down the stairs and interrupted our beautiful, beautiful breakfast."

"Um… It's a quarter after two…" Emily half giggled. Cassie honestly hadn't even thought of the time.

"Is it? That means it's not too early for something sweet! My favorite bakery- I mean, I used to go with my mum when I was a little girl all the time, to this little sweet shop up the road. We would sit on these really high silver chairs and I would get a red velvet cupcake and use these pink plastic spoons… We should go!"

"Sounds lovely," said Emily, and Cassie felt her heart try to leap out of her chest when Emily smiled her adorable smile. Something about this girl just put Cassie in a good mood, and she wasn't sure why.

Cassie hadn't actually eaten at Miss Leah's bakery since she was fourteen, right before she developed her anorexia. But during the time she starved herself, there were many occasions where she would stop in, usually just before closing, and gaze at all the cupcakes on display in the big glass case. Occasionally she'd even buy one, just to look at, because they were so pretty and perfect and small, just like she wanted to be.

As they were walking, Cassie looked over at Emily, and examined her thoroughly, trying to figure out exactly what it was that made her insides turn warm. She was truly one of the prettiest girls Cassie'd ever seen. Her cherry-red hair was so striking against her milky skin, and it was complemented by her rosy cheeks; and the soft curves of her button nose led perfectly into that heart-melting smile. Emily was a head shorter than Cassie was, and her dainty frame was gorgeous in her blue cotton dress.

"So… do you live nearby?" Emily asked, biting her lip.

"Oh, no… I used too… but not anymore. I live in New York City now."

"Wow, I've always wanted to go there. Is it lovely?"

"At first, yes. But things change. People change."

The pair stopped in front of a polished white storefront, whose window was filled with various cookies and cakes and baked goods. Opening the door rang a cute little antique bell, and a white haired woman behind a sugar-laden counter peered at them over a knitting magazine.

"Hello girls!" she chirped, before resuming her reading.

Cassie grabbed Emily's hand rushed up to the counter. Without even thinking about it, Cassie excitedly blurted out, "Two red velvet cupcakes please! And a bag of those pink sugar cookies to go!"

The old woman put her magazine down. "Coming right up, hun," she said.

As the two girls sat down at one of the wrought iron tables, each with their own cupcake on a plate, and Cassie holding the bag of cookies in her lap, everything was wiped from Cassie's mind. At that moment, she had no worries, about anything. Not Sid, not New York, not even Effy. It was just her, some sweets, and the pretty redhead from the park.

"I've never been in here before," Emily said, peeling the wrapper off of her cupcake, "Thank you."

"Thank you for being with me," Cassie replied, and then she lifted up her own cupcake into the air. "Cheers?" Emily obliged, and touched her cupcake to Cassie's with a smile, before biting in.

"With all the shops and restaurants in New York, you'd think I'd have found a place that makes cupcakes as good as these by now. But I can't."

"These are some bloody good cupcakes," Emily said with a mouthful of frosting.

"I think part of it's the sentiment behind it all though. The memories, you know? Just like, when I was small this was the greatest thing that could possibly happen. Before everything got so fucking complicated."

"I know what you mean. The park? The one where we met? I used to go there all the time, as soon as I was old enough to go by myself. My twin sister, Katie, hated being outside, so I guess that's why I loved it. It was my favorite place in the entire world."

"You have a twin?"

"Unfortunately," Emily laughed. "But I really love her. I do. She just always… stepped all over me, you know? Made me feel like nothing. Like I was worthless next to her."

"Well, I don't think you're worthless." Cassie grinned. "But I do think you have frosting on your cheek." It was true, Emily had a smudge of white fluff leading from the corner of her mouth.

"Oh, shit, where at?" Emily reached for her napkin, but before she could grab it, Cassie had already leaned over with her own, and was wiping Emily's face, like it was nothing. As if it were a completely natural reflex.

"Sorry…" Cassie started to say.

"No, thank you, really."

The two girls finished their cupcakes in comfortable silence, and afterwards they didn't leave the table, instead getting deep in conversation. Cassie told Emily all about New York, and listened as Emily told her about her sister and her best friend JJ. Not once did Cassie even think about Sid.

Cassie started to realize that her new friend was much more than a pretty exterior. Emily never mentioned anything directly, but Cassie got the idea that she'd been hurt before. She got the feeling that they understood each other. Every word exchanged between the two of them came effortlessly, and before they knew it, it was dark outside. Cassie offered to walk Emily home.

And then Cassie found herself on Emily's doorstep, not wanting to say goodbye.

"Thank you," Cassie said, "For everything. I needed this. There's been so much on my mind lately and-"

"Me too," said Emily, her eyes sparkling under the porch light.

"We'll have to see each other again, before I leave, yeah?"

But Cassie didn't get the response she was expecting.

Emily stood up on her toes, and gave Cassie a quick, but strong, kiss on the lips. Cassie's heart stopped. Time stood still for a moment, and all she could do was stand there, shocked, and unsure of what to do or what exactly was going on.

Emily pulled away as quickly as she had swooped in, and her cheeks turned the color of her hair.

"Um, I'm so sorry, uh, g-goodnight," she managed to sputter out as she stumbled through her front door.

Cassie did not see this coming.


End file.
